Robin Andrew Hodges Is an enormous Piece of Shit

Robin Andrew Hodges Is an enormous Piece of ShitRobin Andrew Hodges Is an enormous Piece of ShitRobin Andrew Hodges Is an enormous Piece of Shit

Robin Andrew Hodges Is an enormous Piece of Shit

Robin Andrew Hodges Is an enormous Piece of ShitRobin Andrew Hodges Is an enormous Piece of ShitRobin Andrew Hodges Is an enormous Piece of Shit

ready to feel much, much better about yourself?

ready to feel much, much better about yourself?ready to feel much, much better about yourself?ready to feel much, much better about yourself?

Meet Alpha Turdus Maximus

Insights Into Alpha Turdus Maximus

Man with a large butterfly tattoo on chest and curly hair.

About Robin Andrew Hodges

 

This website is dedicated to the ongoing scientific inquiry into whether Robin Andrew Hodges should be reclassified as Alpha turdus maximus, the presumed apex specimen in the North American taxonomic family of utter pieces of shit.

While additional peer review is unlikely to change the findings, researchers remain committed to documenting the species' remarkable consistency.


 

In fact, it is the ecological role of Alpha turdus maximus to improve the self-esteem of all other organisms simply by existing.

Researchers have documented a fascinating psychological phenomenon known as the "At Least I'm Not That Guy Effect." Symptoms include an overwhelming urge to compare one's own minor shortcomings to the spectacular failures of the apex specimen.


Examples include:

  • I may have parked crooked today... but at least I didn't withhold child support payments to punish my ex.
  • I forgot my anniversary...  but at least no judge never said during a hearing to decide whether a civil protection order should be issued against me that I was guilty of repeated sexual assault ."
  • I accidentally replied-all... but at least I never whined on social media about "not being able to see my kid" and then failed to even try to make arrangements to see him after he turned 18  -- in June of 2025."
  • I burned dinner...  but at least I never blamed someone else and had to take a mental health day because I  missed an important event due to my inability to read a flyer."
  • I probably shouldn't have bought another houseplant... but at least I never waved a loaded gun (with a chambered bullet) around and threatened to commit suicide after being denied sex.
  • I forgot to give the dog her smorgasbord of treats promptly at at 8pm...but  at least I never tried to kick a dog to death after it ate the dentures that I left laying around where the dog could get them.
  • I didn't put the grocery cart away last time...but at least I've never been so desperate for control and attention that I insisted every friend of my partner's also be my friend on social media or else I harangued her into not speaking to them.
  • It was so hot out that I wasted electricity by putting my head in the freezer for a whole fifteen minutes...but  at least I don't continually lie about being hospitalized for a heart condition when in fact I am being treated for withdrawal symptoms from week-long whiskey benders.
  •  I microwaved fish in the office break room... but  at least I never bought myself a motorcycle instead of helping to pay for my son's senior class trip.
  •  I put off changing the smoke detector battery until the beeping became a lifestyle...but at least  at least I never insisted I was homeless while living in a hotel room that I listed as costing $5,000/month on a sworn financial statement.
  •  I spent twenty minutes looking for my phone while holding it... but at least I never tried to say I fired my lawyer on a conference call because I thought my lawyer wasn't also on the call, but he WAS and was thrilled to tell everyone that in fact he was asking to be removed because I hadn't paid him -- even though I'd taken a $10,000 gift from my cancer-stricken father to settle the debt. 


The existence of A. turdus maximus reminds the rest of humanity that personal growth is always possible, if only by comparison.

Alpha turdus maximus: The North American Apex Turd


Taxonomic Classification:

Kingdom: Animalia (debatable)
Phylum: Chordata (unfortunately)
Class: Mammalia
Order: Primates
Family: Shittidae
Genus: Alpha turdus
Species: Alpha turdus maximus


Description

Alpha turdus maximus occupies the highest known trophic level in the North American Taxonomy of Utter Pieces of Shit.

Unlike ordinary pieces of shit, which merely inconvenience those around them, the apex turd serves a remarkable ecological function: it provides a universal benchmark against which everyone else suddenly feels like they're doing pretty well.


Scientists refer to this as the Comparative Decency Effect.


Simply encountering A. turdus maximus causes otherwise average people to experience an immediate improvement in self-esteem.

Common symptoms include statements such as:

  • "I may have parked like an idiot today... but at least I'm not Andrew."
  • "I forgot to pay my electric bill... but at least I haven't become a case study in terrible decision-making."
  • "I probably shouldn't have eaten an entire pizza by myself... but at least people don't think I have the emotional range of a pair of clown shoes."
  • "I accidentally sent an email to the wrong person... but, hey, I didn't get listed in this year's edition of "Notable Idiots of the Colorado Rockies."

Habitat

A. turdus maximus is commonly observed inhabiting:

  • Facebook comment sections
  • Family court waiting rooms
  • Dive bars after last call
  • Every dating website regardless of whether or not they're in a relationship
  • On Instagram trying to be jump start a late-in-life career as an influencer
  • Anywhere accountability is in critically short supply

Diet

The species feeds primarily on:

  • Attention
  • Manufactured drama
  • Self-inflicted crises
  • Other people's patience


Defensive Behaviors

When threatened, A. turdus maximus has been observed employing several well-documented survival strategies, including:

  • Blaming literally anyone else.
  • Rewriting recent history.
  • Declaring themselves the true victim.
  • Posting lengthy social media manifestos no one asked for.
  • Announcing that "there's more to the story," or insisting that, "it's complicated" but never explaining of offering evidence


Conservation Status

Fortunately, the species is exceedingly rare.

Unfortunately, each specimen is capable of generating enough chaos to convince observers there must be thousands of them of them.


Final Note

The scientific community agrees that the continued existence of Alpha turdus maximus serves one undeniable public benefit:

It reminds the rest of us that, no matter how spectacularly we fumble through life from time to time, there is almost always someone setting the bar appreciably lower.

Robin Andrew Hodges Is a Piece of Shit's Captured Memories: A Gallery of Life

Nice hotels, concert tickets, road trips 

APRIL 15, 2025: Andrew is told he CAN contact/see his son. This was also explicitly stipulated in the the TPO at his request...sooo... um?




Posted in June of 2025 on his son's 18th birthday ...  Eighteen years old. Old enough to vote, join the military, sign a lease, and choose a college. Tragically, no known technology exists that would allow one adult to contact another adult directly. Perhaps someday. 

Oh look, the wife absorbed all of the joint debt, but Andrew had to pay for his fireworks fine and his phone...oh no! Tragedy. 

The divorce was granted on March 9, 2026 with the associated division of property in this gallery. H

Bar. Andrew is max 1 month sober. Let's face it: one month lying about being sober. 

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Robin Andrew Hodges Is a Piece of Shit

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